My 2011

What a year 2011 has been for me.  How can even describe it?  There are just sot has happened me  may ways in which I can be thankful for in these past 12 months.

I didn't think that it would end up this well, but I know that I can be thankful for what I have been given.  

There are too many things that have happened to me this year that I can't even try to list them all, I just know that I have been blessed over this past year, and I have God to thank for that.

So 2011, thanks for a great year.  2012 you have much to live up to. :-) Until Next year!

Better than I used to be

New favorite song is by Tim McGraw - Better Than I used to be (YouTube Video). I think that it shows what true love really is.

Love isn't perfect.  You don't go into a relationship and never change, love makes you a better person. Love is something that makes you want to become a better person.  Sometimes it takes someone else to make you see that you can become that person.

True love isn't something that Hollywood can show you.  True love is something that is shown through the love that God has given all of us.  He shows us what true love really is.  It isn't something that demands something else from the other person.  True love is the opening up and loving that person unconditionally.

Humans are not perfect, sin is in the world and usually that is the road that sounds easier and more pleasing at the time.  But that pleasure is fleeting and it doesn't last.  If we open our hearts up to God and have him guide our paths, a truer and deeper love is in store.

Listen to God and he will guide you to true love, love that makes you better than you used to be :-)

when new feels old and old feels new

Sometimes you are reminded on how lucky you are in your own life.   There are those moments where something that is new feels like it has been around forever, but then there are also those moments where something old feels alive and fresh again.

What a great way to live, because I think that it makes you appreciate what you have more, and helps you realize all that you have been given in life.  If it a friendship that has come back around, when you didn't think it was there anymore.  Or if it is a relationship just beginning that feels as if it has been longer than what it really has been.

Keeping things fresh, like a bouquet of flowers.  By having the old feel new and the new feel old it is like you are replacing the dying flowers with new ones, and also adding to the arrangement.  So by the end of the day you are left with a fresh bouquet that smells beautiful.

So here's to keeping the bouquet of life fresh!

Looking at Forgiveness

Today I was reminded about a part of the Our Father.  At my church's penance service we said the Our Father together. There I was being forgiven of my sins, and a part from a retreat that I had attended recently and Fr. David Mary said a part of the Our Father that really hit home. he said: "...Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against..."

What is this saying someone might ask.  I think that sometimes we say this prayer and we just hear the first part: "forgive us our trespasses." and we don't listen out for the second half.  How can we ask for forgiveness when we don't forgive others or ourselves.

I am reminded about a part in a book I read about something like this. I wish I remembered the book that it was in because it was a really powerful little excerpt.  about 3ish years ago I was having trouble forgiving myself, but it was easy to forgive others who had done me wrong.  In this book it talked about reconciliation and forgiveness.  I knew that God had forgiven me, but somehow it was still in the back of my mind always.  But this book talked about how if we know that we have been forgiven, we need to get off of out pedestals that  we have placed ourselves upon.

God is all powerful, God is merciful, God is our Father who wants nothing better from us, then our very best.  He sets our bar high, but not too high that we will never be able to reach it.  If God is the master of the universe, and we know that he has forgiven us for our past sins; saying that we can't forgive ourselves is almost like saying that we are better than God and that we should hold ourselves to a better standard.  But that isn't the case, Jesus gave us Reconciliation to make us stronger.

The retreat I recently went to I was the leader of a small group, and one of the students in the small group said something great about reconciliation and forgiveness.  "In Reconciliation, our slates aren't just washed clean. In reconciliation our slates are made stronger so that next time it will be harder to make an imprint upon them."

Forgiveness is not easy, but forgiving ourselves, and others is the only way that we can wash our slates clean, so we can make them stronger.  The battle has already been won, we just have to choose what side we want to be on.

A Smile on my Face

Now that the semester is over I have come to realize how stressed these past few weeks have been. I thought that people were crazy, because they were acting as if I was stressed.  Ha, funny how I couldn't even see it.

But now that I am done, I realize how nice it is to have time, time that I can spend with my family and friends.  Get things done that I have been wanting to get done for some time.

So maybe what we are supposed to do, is always leave some time in the week for ourselves, and to de-stress our own lives, even if we think that we don't have time.  All could really take is 15 minutes or a half an hour to come back to reality and not have the simple things, such as school, control our lives and our happiness

The beginning of the end

Today starts the beginning of my Christmas break from school, but it is the end of an era a because this is my last Christmas break.  The way that things are going, I am planning on graduating in May.

But sometimes looking to the future is not the point, sometimes you have to take the time to enjoy the moments that you have been given at these present moments.  Now I am not saying that someone shouldn't look forward to the future, because then what else is hope?

I think though that we need to take the time to figure out what we what to do with the life right now that we have been given.  Sometimes we shouldn't just have dreams for the future.  Such as get a good job, or buy a house.  But we should find the things that make us get out of bed every day, we should find those hobbies, and activities that make us happy today, and not just the ones that will prepare us for our own future.

Now I am not saying that is a bad thing to do.  Let me put it into finance terminology. Diversification is when you need to take  an array of stocks to lower the unsystematic risk.  (Sorry just had a final about it today). So I think that you need a combination of having plans for both today and the future.

Hope for the future and live for the day - that is my theme for today :-)

The beginning of the End

In less then a week I will be one semester away from graduating! How exciting yes, but that just means that my future is coming just that much sooner.  But I just think that what I have to do it put my faith in God that he will provide and things will go the way that they are meant to be.

I shouldn't worry about the details of the future and I shouldn't really worry about the time line for it all, because either way I know that it will come what it is meant to come and not just when I think that it will come.

So that it my goal, to not worry about the future and to think about today being a gift

Let go and Let God

Sometimes in life, nothing seems to want to go your way.  With every turn you make, it feels as if each one was a bad choice, or you reacted to new the wrong way.  Sometimes maybe everything seems to go the wrong way, so we are each reminded that we aren't alone in our life journey. And sometimes we have to put our faith in that, because we don't know where we are going to end up, but God does.

So when you are having a bad day/week/month just remember that sometimes we need to let go of the paths that we think are right and let God guide us down the paths that we are meant to take

Trusting in Something Greater

Why do opportunities seem so great when you first hear about them, and you get really excited because you can see yourself doing that job, or be in that position in life? You get your heart set on something because it seems so right, and the pieces are falling where you think that they should go.

But then time goes by.  And with that time, things happen, and that dream and opportunity seems further away, and out of reach. You thought that you had this opportunity under your belt and all that you had to do was sign the dotted line to make it all official.

But life is never that easy at times.  We are given these choices, dreams, or life paths to give God the opportunity to with through and within us. We have to learn how to place our trust in God not just during these times of choices, but at all times.  Sometimes maybe we are shown an opportunity, so we have the chance to dream bigger or to give us more confidence to keep going on.

Life isn't always easy, and sometimes you have to turn down great opportunities, because you just can't think about yourself, but you have to think about the bigger picture, and place your trust in God.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." 
-Proverbs 3 : 5 - 6 -

Being thankful for blessings

how often do we just rush through the day and not think about all that we have been given in life? I know that I should take more time in the day and think about those things.  Life isn't frolicking through daisy fields all of the time.  Life isn't perfect, but every day there are moments in our lives that are blessings.

We are each given gifts and talents that are unique to us and us alone.  That is what makes each of us different.  What we need to do is embrace those blessings that we have each been given and do something with it.  We can't just dig a hole and place those talents and gifts that we have been given.  We need to share those with others and let out talents and blessings grow.

I don't know a time in my life where I have used my talents and given to others, and God hasn't given me blessings right back to me.  We don't need to make banners and wave flags and show off what we have, but we just need to learn how to be humble with those gifts that we have been given.  Let us be the hands and feet of Jesus on this Earth.

Life is about the little things

How often do we look at the big picture? How often do we plan for what is next? So often we are looking too much in the future and are missing what is in front of us at this moment.

Yes we can work 5 days a week to make a paycheck and just think about saving money and about the future. But what we can't forget about is the here and now.  What is happening around us at this very moment.  To become able to appreciate our future when the future comes, we have to take time to absorb the present.

Life can throw so many curves at us and we don't really know what tomorrow brings, so we just need to take time every day and soak in what is around us.  Is it the beautiful colors of the fall leaves? The hug from a nephew? a smile from a friend? a laugh that makes your belly hurt? We need to take time to have those moments and not always be running.

We just need to take time, because at the end are we going to wish that we had more money? Or are we going to wish that we had spent more time smelling the roses, or had spent more time with family and friends?

Life is the little things, and the big things will fall into place

Sometime you just have to be willing to listen, and hold out a hand

Goodness, where can I even start with where my thoughts are? I am just coming off one of the most inspirational weekends that I have ever had.  The Newman groups of IPFW, Trine, Manchester, Ivy Tech, and St. Francis got together for a retreat titled Navigating the Stream.  It was a coming together of so many ideas and people coming together.  But no matter who was talking, or who was behind the scenes the one person who was inspiring us and working through all of us was the Holy Spirit.

I honestly have been praying for this whole retreat for the longest time. Through times I had my own doubts that I wasn't sure how it was all going to go, but I couldn't give up.  I had an inspiration to keep going.  I could have stopped when we first thought of the retreat, I could have pulled back when I didn't know what I was really doing, but I didn't.  I feel so blessed because of how the Holy Spirit has given me the confidence to keep going, even when I don't know where I am really going.

But isn't that how life really is? We are like a person with horrible eyesight (I am picturing me without my glassed or contacts, my eyesight is horrible). I can see clearly for about a foot in front of me, after that everything just starts to fade. That is how life really is.  We know where are life is currently, but the further out we look the hazier it gets.  Only God knows, and only God can see clearly what is in our future.  We have to pray for His guidance, His grace, His understanding so we will be able to head in the right direction.  Because without His hand through our life, we are just a blind person barely able to see in past our own nose.

I wish that I could write more, but I as sadly procrastinating from the homework that I am supposed to do... So until next time!

Coming to an end

Do you ever just have one of those days were every thing seems to be coming to a end or very soon? You realize how fast this world goes and it doesn't slow down.  We can pretend that time is standing still and everything is perfect, but when reality hits you, it hits you hard.

My whole lifetime I have gone to the same church, I had my Baptism there, first Reconciliation, First Communion, and it was all a part of me.  Today I was sitting in Mass and it came to the realization that after today I am going to be a parishioner at another church.  Up to today I thought that I was really excited to be changing, but then looking around during Mass I realized how much I am going to miss and how many memories (good and bad) I have in that church.  Growing up I always thought that I was going to get married in this church that I grew up in, now I don't feel like it is my home, but today I realized how much I had expected that to happen. Yes sorry I am ranting about nothing really.  Because when I start going to the other church I am going to feel at home there I know, because I already do.  Sometimes it is just harder to say goodbye than you thought it was going to be.

Then I realize that in 7 months I am going to be graduating from college! I know that sounds exciting, but I realized how scary that can be. Everything that has become a part of me in these last three years, will soon not always be there.  I have to be able to let go and trust in God that he will find the right people to lead the groups that I am leaving, and trust that I will be able to find a job in this town of mine.

So often when I tell people at work that I am going to be in marketing they usually say something about how I will be able to find a job if I am just willing to move away. The thing is that I don't want to move away, because what and who I love in in this town or near it.  I guess that you would say that if I had to choose I would pick Love over a job.  Because Love never fails.

Well that is my ranting for the day.  Sorry you got to this part of the post, and realized that there was nothing really important to read today.

So until next time, let go and just let God :-)

What is truly important in life?

There is a poem that I would like to share that seems to really speak of this question.  It doesn't matter when we are born, or when we die. But what happens in the middle

The Dash
by: Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning to the end.

He noted that first come the date of her birth
and spoke of the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years

For that dash represented all the time
that she spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
    The cars,
     the house,
     the cash,
what matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard;
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives,
life we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent your dash?

-----------------------

How do we live our lives to our greatest potential? Do we squander our time? Do we waste the gifts that we have been given from God?  Life isn't about the movies that we have seen, or the cars that we have owned.  It doesn't matter how much money that we have in our bank, or how much education that we have.

What truly matters is how we impact the world for the greater, who we have loved, and who has loved us back. Life is about Family, friends, and living for God.

So next time that we have to make a decision, maybe we should be thinking about how we can better our 'dash'. Maybe the first step is to realize that we aren't just living for ourselves, but for someone greater.

Let the light of Christ shine through you in every action that you do. How else do you really want to spend your dash?

My mind might be going crazy

It has now been over three years since I first started at IPFW for college, but it wasn't really until this year that I realized that I never really thought about the end game.  I never thought about what I wanted to do after college, I always had a stereotypical answer when people would ask me about my future.  There would be two paths that I would take.  I would give the: "I want to graduate and get a job, I just hope that the job market will be better by the time that I graduate." or something on those lines.  The other path that I would take would be: "I want to settle down and raise a family." I never really thought in specifics and that is what scares me a bit.

All my life, that I can remember, I have been going to school, working towards this moment in my life. I just don't think that I ever thought that I would get here.  It just always seemed so out of grasp that I never gave it much thought.  So here I am a Senior in college and I don't know where I am going to be in a year, heck I don't know where I am going to be in 8 months when I graduate.  I know that I want to stay in town, and I know that I want to make a living, and I know that I want to raise a family eventually.  But I never realized that I had gotten so comfortable where I was.

I never realized that I was comfortable going to school and working as a cashier.  I never realized that I thought about the future, but never made it into concrete thoughts.

I never realized.

and that is what frightens me.

I need to stop being comfortable, and start looking more towards the future.  I need to realize that because I don't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life, I need to start looking towards the future and at a career.  Not knowing what lies before me, might scare me, but that shouldn't stop me. I have rode the front seat of Top Thrill Dragster, I wasn't scared then of not knowing what might not come next. But I sat down in that seat, buckled up, and took that leap of faith.  and it turned out to be amazing, and when I was done, I couldn't wipe that grin off my face.

In my life, I need to sit down and buckle up for the unknown. Because before I know it the future will be here, and I need to be ready.

I don't need to be afraid of the unknown.

Swimming

So another school year has begun, so I thought that I would try to start writing more.

School is going to be crazy this year, but I am surprised how quickly it hit me that I am in my senior year already.  In one year I won't be at IPFW, hopefully I will actually have an actual job... well fingers crossed

But that isn't what I want to reflect upon today.  Something just simple to think about.  When it comes to living your life in faith do you follow to flow of the world and the media, or do you decide to flow upstream?

Be a fish that swims upstream

Wow it has been too long!

Well I have taken the leap (from the last post) and I must say that I think that it was the best decision that I have made in a rather long time! Sometimes you just have to learn how to rely on God's timing and listen to how he might be guiding you.  That is why I am so thankful for my faith, because if I am not totally sure about a decision that I want to make, I give it up to God, and the situation works itself out in the end.

I think that one of the things that we, as humans, forget that we aren't just making decisions for the here and now. We are deciding our future with each choice we make today.  While we make choices that don't matter as greatly (such as what to wear, and what to eat), but some decisions make the greatest impact on our lives (such as who to date, who to befriend, who to make happy, and how hard to work).  We are living not only for ourselves, but for our future selves, our future children, our family, our friends, and most importantly, we are living for God.  We are in this world to glorify God.

I am going to finish this post by telling a story that I heard once at a retreat.  There was a little boy and his father getting a tour of a church.  In this church there are great stain glass windows that have saints depicted in them. The little boy turns to his father and asks, while looking at the stain glass windows: "Daddy, what are those?" The father replies to his son: "Those are the saints."  Latter that same little boy was in Sunday School and the teacher asked the class if they knew what saints were.  The little boy was the only one to raise his hand.  The teacher called on him and he replied: "The saints or what lets the light shine through."

While this little boy didn't know that he wasn't talking about the correct saints, his reply was correct. Saints are those who let the light of Christ shine through them.  That is what we should be aiming for in our own lives. Let our faith shine through our actions so that others will see his glory.

Deciding what path to take

A little over a week ago I was talking about the Grand Canyon in my life and I have happily made a decision in this metaphorical life decision. After praying about it, thinking about it, talking about it, and loss of some (not all) sleep. I have finally taken the jump off the ledge, and I am ready to move on.  While I wasn't on the ledge for a long time it was great while it lasted and I am glad to say that I have jumped.

When I think about this life decision a Wicked  song comes to mind.  It is the song For Good. If you haven't heard it.  Look it up, you don't have to like musicals, but it is just a great song.  In the sang part of it goes:  "I've heard it said, That people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn, And we are led To those who help us most to grow...." That is how I feel about this decision.  No hard feelings, and hopefully no awkward future meetings.  But in the past month I have gone on a roller costar and I have enjoyed the ride, but now it is time to get off and move on.

Tomorrow

We always say that we will say that tomorrow we are going to change.  But if we ever realize it, today is yesterdays tomorrow.  If we want something to change, we have to make those changes today.  Nothing is worth putting off till tomorrow.  We have to live our life today and not wait for tomorrow to come.

Yesterday I went to Mass in the morning and Msgr. talked about how we are all supposed to be trees that product good fruit.  I don't totally remember where the readings were from, but it talked about fruit trees. Somehow that is the only thing that stuck with me.  But what I took from it was even better, or so I think.  We just can't believe that we are good fruit trees, but we actually have to produce good fruit.  It is through trial and temptation that we see how capable we are actually at producing great fruit.  We have to also surround ourselves with other good 'fruit trees' because One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.

So be a 'Fruit Tree' that produces great fruit!

The Grand Canyon in my life

So I have come to the point in my life journey that I have a Grand Canyon come into my path.  Just so you know, I talk in metaphors, so get used to it in this post.  I never really thought some decision like this would really come into my life.  I know that it is a big dream, but now where I am in life, I wasn't expecting this.  I just finished my Junior year and I am beginning to realize how soon the 'real world' is going to be actually starting for me.  In one year less than 365 days I will have graduated from college and hopefully (fingers crossed) have a job with a salary and everything.  :-)

This is why I realized that every choice that I make today will truly impact my future. Now I know that in the past all of my decisions have gotten me to where I am now.  But somehow I think there is a difference. People said that college was the real world, but it really isn't, it is just getting us partially prepared to live a real life.  Okay now I am ranting, so I'll get back to the point.

The Grad Canyon in my Life, sometimes on our life journey we come upon rives and mountains that we have to make it across to continue on with our life. Up till now I have always been able to make it to the other side without many bruises and scrapes. And I was doing great, so I thought that my life was going well and that I knew all of the curve balls life could throw at me.  Boy was I wrong.  In my life journey I came to the Grand Canyon, but at this point there are no bridges across just the extremely long way to get around.  I am standing on the ledge looking and watching the sun set and I know standing on the edge, at this Grand Canyon, I am happy to just watch the sun set here.

But life wants you to move forward and not stay in one spot for long, because how is that really living? So I have two choices walk along the edge of the canyon and take the long way around, but eventually get there, or believe that I have a parachute and take the leap and hope that it will open and the jump will be thrilling and get me to the other side.  But I find that I am not the biggest risk taker, when there is no guarantee that I won't get hurt.  Because if I do decide to take the leap I can never go back to the path along the ledge...

So now the question is do I walk or do I leap and hope the parachute opens?

Now I just have to listen to my head and my heart to lead me to the right path...

Sometimes we just have to be prepared

The saying is: "When life gives you lemons make lemonade." While that saying makes sense it really isn't helpful.  It is telling the person that if life deals you a bad hand or throws troubles your way, learn how to dodge the punches, and make the best out of the situation. The thing is that it is easier to just talk about lemons then really face what you are really supposed to be dealing with.

Everyone has troubles in their life, and at those moments it seems as if nothing can go right and you are stuck to deal with the problem.  No matter how big or small the trouble might seem to outside people.  That problem is a big deal to the person that it is happening to.  So there is no reason to judge other people's problems as compared to your own.  That just isn't how life works.

I think the best thing that people can do to help others and the people that they care about is to just be there as an ear for the majority of the time, and only use your mouth when necessary.  I've heard the saying that we are given two ears and one mouth, and we should use them in the same proportion, meaning use the ears more because we have two of them. Everyone just needs people to listen, even people that are used to just listening.  We all need someone to be there for us.

Who is that person in your life that could use your ears more? Who do you think needs someone to listen to them?

A poem to think about

So I am still working though the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (don't get me wrong it is a great book, but I have been really busy with school) and there is a chapter titled Ready for the Sack but not for the Sacrifice it talks about how the majority of people think of marriage as one thing, while there is more to a marriage then the honeymoon or the wedding.  While all of those things can be great in those respects, it shouldn't be what we aim for when we think of marriage.

While I am still single I am called to remain holy in that vocation, but still prepare myself for whatever might come in the future.

That is a poem by Lena Lathrop titled "A Woman's Answer to a Man's Question". and I would really like to share it with you.

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing,
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life- 
And a woman's wonderful love.


Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With a reckless dash of a boy.


You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now standing at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.


You require your mutton shall always be hoy, 
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven, your soul


You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts-0
I look for a man and a king.


A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."


I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?


Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.


I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I will stake my life
To be all you demand of me.


If you cannot by this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.

I think that this poem, while a bit outdated (she died just a bit before 1900), but I think that it has total truth in what she says. Read it again, there is more to a marriage than one night, or the other things that you will benefit from.

Well a final paper is calling my name, so that is all that I wanted to talk about right now.

Life isn't clear cut

Through High School and College I always enjoyed watching movies.  I always like seeing how the story would unfold, and how the characters would get to the end. Half of the 'chick-flicks' that I watched you could almost predict how the ending would be, but the real reason to watch the movie was to see how they got to that point.  How through the hardship and conflict, it almost always ended the way that, as a watcher, planned it would.

The characters in the movies were awesome.  They would always have the prefect hair, the greatest smile, the perfect little circle of friends (where all of their friends knew and were friends with each other, for example FRIENDS, I mean what is up with that?), the story line, and the greatest background music.  Growing up, I think that I thought that was something to aim for.  The perfect 'movie story-line' life.

Now, before you say anything, I know that the movies aren't real and the actors who play the characters had real lives with real issues.  But there was always something intrinsic, something to aim for: the perfect movie romance, the perfect movie story, the perfect movie life.

But none of that is real, none of that is true.  In the movies that I grew up watching, the writers wrote the character script. The writers got to dream about how they wish life could be different, how life could be perfect.  But they knew that real life couldn't be that way, so they wrote about it instead.

Now you are probably asking yourself why I am even writing about this, why does it even matter? But I do have a point.  Growing up with those movies I thought that life wasn't going to be as hard as what I was expecting.  In real life, there are group projects, due dates that don't get pushed back, people who are above you that are horrible and their funny factor doesn't make up for that.  In real life there are no scripts that you can go by, no background music that emphasizes your mood, no flipping or fast forwarding to the end to see how the story is going to end.  There is no way to totally predict what curve balls life is going to throw at you.

 I have a great quote from a book that I am reading.  In I kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris he has a quote that the end goes: "... Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Because nobody wants to read the small print in the dreams." That is how it was for me, I had to get into reality, and realize that those movies, and their 'perfection' was nothing that I should aim for

In life we are not given a script to follow.  The people that come into our life, won't follow the script that we write for then in our head.  We have to realize that no matter how many scenarios we make up in our head, no matter how great they seam, they never happen just like that.

Life isn't the fairytale that we all dream up as little girls, Life is a roller coater that has its uphill climbs, and its stomach wrenching falls.  But what is so great about that is, we get to ride the whole coaster, and we get to see how it ends, no matter unpredictable it might be.

One Life to Live

So many times in our life we come upon forks in the road of our life path.  It is a daily thing that we come upon.

Should I sleep in 5 more min? Do I really need to eat that cookie? or the more serious Can I just glance over and cheat off my partner? Should I flirt back with that person? Are my actions showing dignity?

There are so many choices that we have t choose every day.  Sometimes we don't even realize that we have come upon those choices, until we are past them already.  But we have to decide to move forward.  Nothing good comes from retracing our steps and making that decision over again.  That isn't the way that we are supposed to live life. That is why we are capable to be forgiven, and told to try harder every day that we are alive.

God didn't come to this world so we could always party it up, and live the high life.  We aren't here on this earth for ourselves.  There is more to life than just us.  It doesn't really matter if we are popular, if we are the brains, if we have made poor decisions in the past, or anything.  We are here to be, at one time or another, God's hands, feet, and heart to someone here on earth.

Life is a gift.  We must remember that, it is all what we choose to do with that gift is what really matters.

So Live Life.

Holy Week

How can Lent be almost over already? It is crazy how time has gone by so quickly and I haven't realized how fast it has actually been moving.  But this is ultimately my favorite week in the church. There is such deep reverence and we go through Christ's passion.


During every Holy Week, I watch The Passion of Christ.  It reminds me what Jesus put himself through for us! He didn't have to die on the cross, but he loved us so much that he wanted us to share with him eternal life.  How crazy is that? For every single sin that ever was, he died for that.  


Our crosses in life, we think that we are hard, but Jesus is carrying so much of our own cross, and we don't even realize it.  In the Stations of the Cross book that I have, one of my favorite lines is during the second stations of Jesus takes up His Cross:

"My Jesus, LORD, I take my daily cross. I welcome the monotony that often marks my day, discomforts of all kinds, the summer's heat, the winter's cold, my disappointments, tensions, setbacks, cares.  Remind me often that in carrying my cross, I carry Yours with You. And though I bear a sliver only of Your cross, You carry all of mine, except a sliver, in return."

Whenever I read that passage, I really see me just carrying a little toothpick size of wood, while I am walking beside Christ that has this HUGE cross of lumber on his back. I want to say that I will carry more, I want to tell him that he doesn't have to carry so much, just to help me a sinner.  But he carries that cross not just for me, and not just for you.  He carried that cross for EVERYONE.  

This season makes me think of two songs that are really close to me.  The first one is "By His Wounds" by Steven Curtis Chapman, Brian Littrell, Mac Powell, Mark Hall.  The second one is a not as well known, but it was a song that I sang in 8th grade choir  during Holy Week, and it has been always stuck in my head since.  It is "Face the Cross" by: Ruth Elaine Schram and Scott Schram.  That song is just powerful for me this time of the year.  Listen to them, and think about what Jesus did for us this Holy Week.  

How can we change our lives that just might make His Cross just a bit lighter?

We each have the choice, to face the cross, and be thankful for the greatest gift we have ever been given.  Or turn away from this gift, and say that our life and our selfish desires are all what really matter. 

  

Sometimes we don't know what is best.

It is funny, I thought that I knew that.  Under a month ago I gave a talk to 8th graders about commitment for the journey, I just didn't realize that I wasn't listening to what I was saying.

In the talk I discussed how we think that we know what is best, it might seem like a perfect, a right fit, but sometimes God has a different plan for us.  We think that we finally get the two puzzle pieces together, but in the end, they don't fit.

What am I getting at you ask.

Over a month ago, I thought that I had a good plan up to graduation.  I was going to get this internship, I was going to be great helping people.  I thought that it was a perfect fit.  I thought that it was so right that I was planning my summer around something that never was promised to me. I got my cars a head of the horse, and I paid for it.  God know when to make me realize that there is more than just thinking that we know what we are doing.

Suffice it to say, today I finally heard back from the internship.  I unfortunately did not get that job.  It was given to someone else.  I think that it was the first time that I had actually opened my heart to something great, but I almost think that is what the lesson was from all of this.  I opened my heart up the the possibility of planning my future.  I have never been in that position before.  I always had a reason to hold back from something.

To be honest, it hurt. It hurt when I realized that the dream that I have been wishing and hoping for, wasn't going to come true for me.  It wasn't my story to tell.  It wasn't the path that I was supposed to take.

"When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

One door has been shut in my life today. But I am ready to have God show me that window when he thinks that I am ready for it.

playing a different game

Random thought of the day:

When Life deals you a bad hand, start playing a different game. 

Just something so simple, we shouldn't complain about the horrible hand the we were dealt, we should know had to adapt

Forgiveness

So recently I have been working through a book titled: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  While you might first think that the book is about not dating, it isn't. It is about being pure in the relationships that you have and to gain a new attitude towards romance and relationships.

It has taken me forever to get to read this book.  One of my older sister gave it to me to read over 4 years ago, and I wish that I had read it back then. But I guess that God knew that maybe right now was a better time for me to read it. (When I barely have time for homework and all of my projects....)But maybe that is what was supposed to happen.

While I work through the rest of the book I have decided to share with you, and myself, the points that really stood out to me.  I am going to start with a story that Joshua tells about a dream that he once had.  Joshua calls this dream: The Room. pages 104-107 in my book.  I don't claim any of the following story is mine, it is totally Joshua's.

"In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read 'Girls I have Liked' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

"And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

" A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.  A file names 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed'

"The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. 'Books I have read,' 'lies I have told,' 'comfort I have given,' 'jokes I have laughed at.' Some were almost hilarious in the their exactness: 'things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'things I have done in anger,' 'things I have muttered under my breath at my parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer cards that I hoped.

"I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

"When I pulled out the file marked 'songs I have listened to' I realized the file grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but the more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

"When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

"Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: 'No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

"Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore ' People I have shared the Gospel with.' The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

"And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt starting in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know about this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

"But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

"I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

"Finally He turned and looked at my from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. HE walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

"Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, bagan to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!' I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there is was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

"He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how he did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said 'It is finished.'

"I stood up, and He lead me out of the room. There was no lock in its door. There were still cards to be written."

-----------------------------------------

Yes I know that was a bit long to read for a blog, but it seemed that one I had to practice my typing skills, and two that I should share that story with you all (whoever you is)

We have to remember that no matter how many times that we mess up, no matter how many mistakes that we make in our life, God is there ready to forgive us, all we have to do is ask.  Sometimes we can't forget the memories, but we have to remember that no matter how bad those regrets are in our past God is ready to forgive us.  He has already died for our sins.

He is just waiting for us. 

We have to be ready to give our burdens up. For Jesus carried the cross for our sins, he has carried the burdens.  So we can have the chance, the opportunity, and the freedom to walk straight again.

All we have to do is let go of those which are holding us back. 

Life Doesn't Wait

I think that this was one of the biggest things that I have learned through the years.  No matter what has happened in the past, no matter what you wish to happen in the future: life won't wait for you to live.  It doesn't matter if it is waiting for your crush to notice that you exist, it isn't waiting to make an impact on the world.  Life won't hold your hand through it all.

Life keeps moving even when you stop playing the game.  When I was younger we would play this game called Peanuts and it was like solitaire as a group, and we would always say time out to straighten the cards, or get something else.  But in life we don't get a time out, we just stop living, we stop moving our cards in the game, and we just decide to watch as the game keeps on going.

While sometimes it can be good to take a time out and get your breath, we can't get comfortable.  We become complacent and we stop caring.  And what type of life is that?

We can't sit around waiting for someone to notice you, we can't wait to be handed opportunities, we have to go out and find those opportunities.  Opportunities are like the pearl in an oyster, sometimes they aren't easy to find, but when you do, it is something special, something rare, and something to hold on to.

Where has time gone?

Today I was working on my senior year class schedule and it made me think of how much things have changed in the past three years.  Three years ago I was just in the last quarter in my senior year in High School.  I was in my first relationship, I was starting up my last season of track, I was looking at colleges, I was planning on moving away to Indy and going to Marion.  I was going to be either an English major or speech and hearing.  I didn't have a job, I was innocent to the real world.  But I realize that things change, people change, and we have to leave our old self behind.

We can't keep our old self .

Three years ago I wouldn't have thought of my life, when I was dreaming about the future.  I didn't see myself being a business major in marketing, working as a cashier, and still living at home.  I didn't think of being as involved on campus as I am now, I didn't think know that I would actually like my school.  I didn't see myself the way I am now.  But that is the whole thing about it.

We don't know how our future is going to be.

We can dream about it, we can think about it, but we don't actually live it until it is the present.  We never live in the future.  What really matters is the choices that we make today, the actions that we choose to act upon.

So this is turning into a ramble, but my whole point is that we don't really know what our future is going to be.  We just have to trust, pray, hope, and dream that we are making the right decisions today that will impact our future tomorrow.

We never live in the future, we can only learn from our past.

Day 1

I always start one of these things, and then after about a month or two give up.  That is why I have so many journals in my room.  But I thought that it would be fun to just share just some thought that I have every once and awhile.  Love it or hate it, I am not forcing you to read anything.

"Always keep the most important, the most important." - J. Fred Tone-

This was something that my High School Principle said at our awards dinner, my senior year.  I think that this is the only thing that totally stuck with me over these past 2 1/2 years.

I think that it means that realize what you care about and where your eithical compass is, and keep it headding in the right direction.  Maybe the right direction isn't our idea of a fun direction, but in the end we aren't on this world just for ourselves.  We need to get away from just caring about ourselves and start thinking about how our ripples affect those around us. 

What do you think J. Fred was trying to get at with this quote?