Life isn't clear cut

Through High School and College I always enjoyed watching movies.  I always like seeing how the story would unfold, and how the characters would get to the end. Half of the 'chick-flicks' that I watched you could almost predict how the ending would be, but the real reason to watch the movie was to see how they got to that point.  How through the hardship and conflict, it almost always ended the way that, as a watcher, planned it would.

The characters in the movies were awesome.  They would always have the prefect hair, the greatest smile, the perfect little circle of friends (where all of their friends knew and were friends with each other, for example FRIENDS, I mean what is up with that?), the story line, and the greatest background music.  Growing up, I think that I thought that was something to aim for.  The perfect 'movie story-line' life.

Now, before you say anything, I know that the movies aren't real and the actors who play the characters had real lives with real issues.  But there was always something intrinsic, something to aim for: the perfect movie romance, the perfect movie story, the perfect movie life.

But none of that is real, none of that is true.  In the movies that I grew up watching, the writers wrote the character script. The writers got to dream about how they wish life could be different, how life could be perfect.  But they knew that real life couldn't be that way, so they wrote about it instead.

Now you are probably asking yourself why I am even writing about this, why does it even matter? But I do have a point.  Growing up with those movies I thought that life wasn't going to be as hard as what I was expecting.  In real life, there are group projects, due dates that don't get pushed back, people who are above you that are horrible and their funny factor doesn't make up for that.  In real life there are no scripts that you can go by, no background music that emphasizes your mood, no flipping or fast forwarding to the end to see how the story is going to end.  There is no way to totally predict what curve balls life is going to throw at you.

 I have a great quote from a book that I am reading.  In I kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris he has a quote that the end goes: "... Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Because nobody wants to read the small print in the dreams." That is how it was for me, I had to get into reality, and realize that those movies, and their 'perfection' was nothing that I should aim for

In life we are not given a script to follow.  The people that come into our life, won't follow the script that we write for then in our head.  We have to realize that no matter how many scenarios we make up in our head, no matter how great they seam, they never happen just like that.

Life isn't the fairytale that we all dream up as little girls, Life is a roller coater that has its uphill climbs, and its stomach wrenching falls.  But what is so great about that is, we get to ride the whole coaster, and we get to see how it ends, no matter unpredictable it might be.

One Life to Live

So many times in our life we come upon forks in the road of our life path.  It is a daily thing that we come upon.

Should I sleep in 5 more min? Do I really need to eat that cookie? or the more serious Can I just glance over and cheat off my partner? Should I flirt back with that person? Are my actions showing dignity?

There are so many choices that we have t choose every day.  Sometimes we don't even realize that we have come upon those choices, until we are past them already.  But we have to decide to move forward.  Nothing good comes from retracing our steps and making that decision over again.  That isn't the way that we are supposed to live life. That is why we are capable to be forgiven, and told to try harder every day that we are alive.

God didn't come to this world so we could always party it up, and live the high life.  We aren't here on this earth for ourselves.  There is more to life than just us.  It doesn't really matter if we are popular, if we are the brains, if we have made poor decisions in the past, or anything.  We are here to be, at one time or another, God's hands, feet, and heart to someone here on earth.

Life is a gift.  We must remember that, it is all what we choose to do with that gift is what really matters.

So Live Life.

Holy Week

How can Lent be almost over already? It is crazy how time has gone by so quickly and I haven't realized how fast it has actually been moving.  But this is ultimately my favorite week in the church. There is such deep reverence and we go through Christ's passion.


During every Holy Week, I watch The Passion of Christ.  It reminds me what Jesus put himself through for us! He didn't have to die on the cross, but he loved us so much that he wanted us to share with him eternal life.  How crazy is that? For every single sin that ever was, he died for that.  


Our crosses in life, we think that we are hard, but Jesus is carrying so much of our own cross, and we don't even realize it.  In the Stations of the Cross book that I have, one of my favorite lines is during the second stations of Jesus takes up His Cross:

"My Jesus, LORD, I take my daily cross. I welcome the monotony that often marks my day, discomforts of all kinds, the summer's heat, the winter's cold, my disappointments, tensions, setbacks, cares.  Remind me often that in carrying my cross, I carry Yours with You. And though I bear a sliver only of Your cross, You carry all of mine, except a sliver, in return."

Whenever I read that passage, I really see me just carrying a little toothpick size of wood, while I am walking beside Christ that has this HUGE cross of lumber on his back. I want to say that I will carry more, I want to tell him that he doesn't have to carry so much, just to help me a sinner.  But he carries that cross not just for me, and not just for you.  He carried that cross for EVERYONE.  

This season makes me think of two songs that are really close to me.  The first one is "By His Wounds" by Steven Curtis Chapman, Brian Littrell, Mac Powell, Mark Hall.  The second one is a not as well known, but it was a song that I sang in 8th grade choir  during Holy Week, and it has been always stuck in my head since.  It is "Face the Cross" by: Ruth Elaine Schram and Scott Schram.  That song is just powerful for me this time of the year.  Listen to them, and think about what Jesus did for us this Holy Week.  

How can we change our lives that just might make His Cross just a bit lighter?

We each have the choice, to face the cross, and be thankful for the greatest gift we have ever been given.  Or turn away from this gift, and say that our life and our selfish desires are all what really matter. 

  

Sometimes we don't know what is best.

It is funny, I thought that I knew that.  Under a month ago I gave a talk to 8th graders about commitment for the journey, I just didn't realize that I wasn't listening to what I was saying.

In the talk I discussed how we think that we know what is best, it might seem like a perfect, a right fit, but sometimes God has a different plan for us.  We think that we finally get the two puzzle pieces together, but in the end, they don't fit.

What am I getting at you ask.

Over a month ago, I thought that I had a good plan up to graduation.  I was going to get this internship, I was going to be great helping people.  I thought that it was a perfect fit.  I thought that it was so right that I was planning my summer around something that never was promised to me. I got my cars a head of the horse, and I paid for it.  God know when to make me realize that there is more than just thinking that we know what we are doing.

Suffice it to say, today I finally heard back from the internship.  I unfortunately did not get that job.  It was given to someone else.  I think that it was the first time that I had actually opened my heart to something great, but I almost think that is what the lesson was from all of this.  I opened my heart up the the possibility of planning my future.  I have never been in that position before.  I always had a reason to hold back from something.

To be honest, it hurt. It hurt when I realized that the dream that I have been wishing and hoping for, wasn't going to come true for me.  It wasn't my story to tell.  It wasn't the path that I was supposed to take.

"When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."

One door has been shut in my life today. But I am ready to have God show me that window when he thinks that I am ready for it.

playing a different game

Random thought of the day:

When Life deals you a bad hand, start playing a different game. 

Just something so simple, we shouldn't complain about the horrible hand the we were dealt, we should know had to adapt

Forgiveness

So recently I have been working through a book titled: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.  While you might first think that the book is about not dating, it isn't. It is about being pure in the relationships that you have and to gain a new attitude towards romance and relationships.

It has taken me forever to get to read this book.  One of my older sister gave it to me to read over 4 years ago, and I wish that I had read it back then. But I guess that God knew that maybe right now was a better time for me to read it. (When I barely have time for homework and all of my projects....)But maybe that is what was supposed to happen.

While I work through the rest of the book I have decided to share with you, and myself, the points that really stood out to me.  I am going to start with a story that Joshua tells about a dream that he once had.  Joshua calls this dream: The Room. pages 104-107 in my book.  I don't claim any of the following story is mine, it is totally Joshua's.

"In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read 'Girls I have Liked' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

"And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

" A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.  A file names 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed'

"The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. 'Books I have read,' 'lies I have told,' 'comfort I have given,' 'jokes I have laughed at.' Some were almost hilarious in the their exactness: 'things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'things I have done in anger,' 'things I have muttered under my breath at my parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer cards that I hoped.

"I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

"When I pulled out the file marked 'songs I have listened to' I realized the file grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but the more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

"When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

"Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: 'No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

"Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore ' People I have shared the Gospel with.' The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

"And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt starting in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know about this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

"But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

"I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

"Finally He turned and looked at my from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. HE walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

"Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, bagan to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!' I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there is was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

"He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how he did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said 'It is finished.'

"I stood up, and He lead me out of the room. There was no lock in its door. There were still cards to be written."

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Yes I know that was a bit long to read for a blog, but it seemed that one I had to practice my typing skills, and two that I should share that story with you all (whoever you is)

We have to remember that no matter how many times that we mess up, no matter how many mistakes that we make in our life, God is there ready to forgive us, all we have to do is ask.  Sometimes we can't forget the memories, but we have to remember that no matter how bad those regrets are in our past God is ready to forgive us.  He has already died for our sins.

He is just waiting for us. 

We have to be ready to give our burdens up. For Jesus carried the cross for our sins, he has carried the burdens.  So we can have the chance, the opportunity, and the freedom to walk straight again.

All we have to do is let go of those which are holding us back.