It is in a Moment

Yesterday Travis and I was blessed to have our first glimpse of our little one during our first ultrasound.  It is one wonderful thing to hear the baby's heartbeat at each of the appointments, but to finally see our baby's face for the first time...

It is a moment to see our baby yawn a few times, 

to stretch his/her little feet & legs, 

to see the little nose and little chin...

Baby's Profile

Holding Travis' hand as we see the technician measure the head, show us the heart and the heartbeat, measuring the legs and arms.  It is a moment that I will cherish.

It is in a moment where your husband comments that it is a blessing that the baby had two arms, two legs, one head, and 4 chambers beating in the heart.  Seeing Travis' smile, and seeing the look of pride he already has for his little one.

Taking joy in the simple blessings.  

Having a picture of the baby opening his/her mouth and eye and having a arm raised.  Almost looking like he/she was saying hello.

"For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well."

~ Psalm 139:13-14 ~

It is in a moment when Travis points out that it looks like the baby has my chin.  Moments when the technician hands you a row of photos from your appointment and tells you congratulations.   Walking out of the office holding Travis' hand, knowing that we are a family.

From Left: Baby's Leg, Baby 'Smiling' (aka. yawn), and Baby's chin

Those moments that we hold dear.  It is in those simple moments that you see the wonder of God working through your life, forming this precious gift of a child, with us.

Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb

Growing up I never knew what I wanted to be when I 'grew up'.  While being Catholic I contemplated a religious life, but it never felt right.  I knew that I wanted to be married and have a family.  I knew that if I was called to that vocation God would guide me to the paths that I should take.  The path that got me to this point is one of blessings, and trust in God, like St. Elizabeth did when she found out that she was pregnant with John the baptist, and whose feast day is today.

Graduating from Bishop Dwenger - Spring 2008

When putting my utmost trust in God, I was lead down paths that I never expected to take if it was up to me.  In the winter and spring of my senior year at Bishop Dwenger I was planning on going to Marian University in Indianapolis.  They offered me a great scholarship that was tied to service and I thought that it was a perfect fit. It wasn't until about a month before graduation that I decided to stay in town and go to Indiana University-Purdue University Fort Wayne.  

I stayed because they had the major that sounded good at the time.  I was still not totally sure what I wanted to be when I 'grew up' but staying in town sounded like a good fit.  Some of my friends from high school thought I was staying in town because my boyfriend at the time was going to IPFW as well.  While that is what it might have looked like, I never put that relationship into the equation when deciding my school.  I started at IPFW in Speech and Hearing therapy, a major that no other school that I had looked at offered.  

Anne and I reuniting at the March for Life - winter 2012

That fall I was approached by my now dear friend Anne, that was working with Students for Life of America and was trying to help colleges start up pro-life groups.  She had come to a Newman Catholic Fellowship Mass on campus to find people to start this group.  I volunteered to meet up with Anne outside of school and see what I could do to help.  I was planning on helping hanging posters and attending a few meetings, I never thought that I would be the one to write a constitution and start Students for Life of IPFW.  But God had a purpose for me and I was putting my life into his hands.

While most of the classes for Speech and Hearing were interesting, it didn't seem to 'fit' and it never felt right.  Something was missing.  I was finding a new major, business, and it was a major that all of the colleges that I had looked at in the fall of my senior year of college offered.  God led me to IPFW, not for my major, but for bigger plans.  But, if it wasn't for the major I would have gone away for college most likely, it is really hard to tell.

One of the first 'events' Students for Life held' - Fall 2009
(also the first picture I have of Travis and me in the same picture)

By going to IPFW I was blessed to meet great people that I now call friends and my life has forever been changed.  I met my husband at IPFW through Newman Catholic Fellowship and Students for Life of IPFW.  It depends who you ask, I say we met at Newman Group, but Travis insists that we met at Students for Life.  Either way, if it wasn't for mine (and his) involvement in both groups, we wouldn't have become great friends.

IPFW Graduation - Spring 2012

After I graduated from IPFW Travis and I became engaged, and I started a position as a Marketing Coordinator at Redeemer Radio. After Travis graduated the next year we got married.  Somehow I had started living my life of "when-I-grow-up" and I didn't realize it. 

But, today on St. Elizabeth's feast day there is another event that Travis and I celebrate.  It is quite suiting that St. Elizabeth is the patron saint of Expectant Mothers, and now I have a good reason to find a close kinship with this saint today.  Travis and I are excited to tell you that we are expecting our first little blessing in mid April.  It is during these wonderful exciting new times that I remember to be thankful and grateful for the many blessing.

Elizabeth said to Mary "Blessed are you who Believed that what was spoken to you by the Lord would be fulfilled."  Luke 1:45

Now is time to know that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives.

Two Years Ago and Just a Blink

How has these past two years just flown by?  Two years ago I was blessed to start dating the man that became my best friend, and in 18 days I will be blessed and honored to call him my husband.

Travis and I even before we started dating

Two years ago Travis and I went on our first date :-)  We went bowling with Angela, and she was the one that had to convince me that it was actually a date.  I think that I was either in shock that it happened or that I was in denial and I never thought that it would happen.  I didn't realize then that I went on my last first date.  On that Saturday in 2011, I thought that I just went bowling with one of my friends from Newman Group and Students for Life. I was trying to make decisions, and decided to make the leap of faith.

Travis Proposing at Notre Dame 

 In two years we have gone from Friendship to Love, to Engagement, and now to (almost) married. Never did I think that I would be in this position two year ago.  But as always God has a better life story for us than what we could ever dream for.

Travis and I at a friends wedding

Our Journey has had its ups and downs, but I am a better person having Travis by my side.  Please keep us in your prayers as we get closer to our wedding date.  Because together with God we are going to start our life together and begin a new chapter of our lives :-)

The Next Great Adventure

Now you might be thinking how have I gone this far in life and never moved.  Well if you stay at home for college and get married a year after college, I never really saw the point to move out. I thought of it more as an expense that I couldn't afford.

Now I am good at moving rooms.  Having 4 older sisters and roughly 4 bedrooms (three actual bedrooms and the large old 'play room/classroom' converted into a bedroom)  I think that every time a sister went away to college we all rearranged rooms and moved.  I think that some time or another I have occupied 3 of the four rooms, some rooms at different times in my life.

But this move is different... Much different...

This time I am not moving down the hallway.  I am not staying in the same home.  I am moving five miles into town.  Yes I know that it could be much further, but right now it seems really far away.  But it is just the next adventure that is on my life path.

It is like going up the Millennium Force's first hill.  you keep going and  going up and your stomach and brain start deceiving you and con't decide if this is going to be wonderful or terrifyingly hard.  It is like I am at the crest of that hill that I have been climbing for awhile now.  and it is time to enjoy the ride down the exciting and thrilling coaster.

The great thing that I have to always remember is that I'll have Travis right beside me.  And remembering that is just half of the great adventure!

7 weeks!

How is it possible that in 7 weeks that my last name will be Heckber?  (maybe not on all of my legal things, but I think that you know what I mean).  How has that date gotten so close?

Our home that needs me to organize it :-)

Travis and I had our final meeting with Fr. Tom last Friday and have things falling into place, items are being crossed off my list (slowly it feels, but little by little). People keep asking me how wedding planning is coming along, I say that plans are coming.  But really it is only one day...



That is what I keep telling myself when planning doesn't go according to plan.  Because I know that it is just going to be the beginning, Right now I think more about getting the house organized, and thinking ahead.

Yes, I am excited about the wedding, how can you not when I get to stand up  with my best friend and greatest blessing in front of my family and friends.  How could you not?  It is just staying sane until then, because this one day requires almost too much planning.

So the countdown begins: 47 Days to go!

One Year Ago

One year ago.... well one year ago I decided to take a jump off of the Grand Canyon of my life and I am so glad that i chose and followed that path.  Because my life now would not be the same if I didn't jump.

One year ago I went on my first date with Travis :-)  Leading up to that I had to make some choices, and I had to let go of some things that were holding me back.  But I jumped and my parachute opened. One year ago I thought that I was just lucky enough to go an a date with a great guy from school. Well, granted I didn't believe that it was a date and it took my younger sister to convince me that it was a date.

I became open to the possibility that God was going to work through me life, and He was going to lead me down the path that I should take.  Every day I feel so blessed that I am traveling this path in my life!  This past year wouldn't have been the same if it wasn't for the friendship and love Travis has shown me.

I thank God for every moment, and while the past is a great story.  I will always look forward to tomorrow!

Loving Life

Psalms 27:14  says: " Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"

This time in my life has been trying, it isn't like I have to jump through hoops and go through really rough times. But, it has been a time where I really need to tell myself that I need to be strong and wait for the Lord to work in my life.  I don't know how many times that I have had to have someone tell me that.  But it has been often.  Sometimes it is easy to lose sight in the end when you are near sighted and only see a few inches in front of your face.  That is when you need to trust in God and let others help you.  

It has been through that, which I think, has made me stronger.  I think that now I pray and tell myself more often that I need to trust in God.  But I think that through that I see God working in my life more and more.  Life is going great and I never could have done it myself!

I have a second job interview this week with a great company.  I am getting my ducks in a row when it comes to moving on from College (which is hard, but I think that it is something that needs to be done).  I finally have time to catch up with friends and hang out.  Travis has been great, he's become my best friend and I don't know how I would go through all of this without him :-)  My family is amazing as we prepare for another sisters' wedding.

If I was told to dream up my future four years ago, I don't think that I would have dreamed up something even this great.  Life is a blessing, and I am just glad to be given each day!

Learning from my Past to Improve the Future

So it has almost been a yer already that I traveled across the pond and went to Spain. But I still find myself reflecting upon that trip every once in awhile.  I think that I have taken more from that trip since I have been back than I really did while I was there.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that I was actually in Spain, and France.

Lourdes, France

But thinking about where I have been, makes me realize how much has really changed in the past few years.  I wouldn't change anything really because even though there have been lows, I have also found that it was through those lows that I have gone to different heights from those lows.

So I guess what I want to say is that: If you have been a part of my past, thank you for being a part of my life.  I would not be the person that I am today without you.  If you are a part of my present thanks for sticking with me through the ups and downs (or you have to because we are related by blood.... ;-).....) and to those who are going to be a part of my future, I'm praying that God will use me to help you and that you will help me.

Blessings :-)

Looking ahead

I think that all that I have talked about recently is looking towards the future.  But right now I think that is all that I really know for sure: uncertainty.  All I know that I need to trust in God and by doing that, things will fall into place.  Through this entire journey I think that there are times when I could have given up and just gone a different direction, but something keeps on telling me that I need to listen to God's call and I need to trust in Him and have the courage to follow His next plan for me.

Courage

Something that can always be worked on.

I've only been graduated for 11 days and I think I've been asked 10,000,000 times what I plan on doing, or what I would like to do, or if I have a job yet.  I don't mind the questions, but I think that I will love it when I have something concrete to actually tell them.

The truth is that I don't know where I am going to be next week, I don't know where I will be next month.  I don't know what will make me totally happy in the job world, other than knowing that by doing God's will on Earth will make me happy and content.  I know I don't have a job yet and I now know that it is much more then just writing a resume (that is only the first step of many).

There is much that I don't know, but I do know that I am on a journey and I pray that this journey that I am taking is the same path that God has planned for me.  I can only hope to do His will.

The footprints poem comes to mind.  I have the last quot on a little plaque sitting on my desk.

"My Precious, precious child, 
I love you and I would never leave you. 
During your times of trial and suffering, 
when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you."

time is flying!

Today I had my very last day of class as a college undergrad.  It is weird to think that I'm not really going to be there really anymore.  My school has been with me for four years now, and I feel like it really has become a part of me.

The crazy thing is that I never expected that to happen.  I never thought that I would love my university.  But somewhere I stopped trying to hate it, and I really began to enjoy my time there. I have met some of the best people that are now some of my close dear friends and I wouldn't want my life any other way.

It is amazing on how a life can change just with choosing what university to go to.

I have been blessed, and I have met some great people.

But now it is time to stop, hang up my coat, and move on.  Because the sun is setting on this chapter of my life. While there is darkness after a sunset, there is also a sun rise on a new day

17 days

How can there be so little time between right now at this moment and the time that I graduate?  I sometime feel like my life is spinning out of control and I can't seem to figure out how to hold onto the wheel.  It has been an up and down roller coaster just this past week, and I don't know when I am going to get off.

At one moment I have having the time of my life, looking forward to graduation and my future (whatever that may be), but then I think the higher the hill, the greater the fall, and the more hurt.  I feel as if my life is so crazy right now with school that I am letting my family down, I don't give enough time to them.  I am at home and awake, but that is usually the time that they are all in bed already.

There are moments that I have a smile on my face because this is what I have been working for, graduating from college. But at other times it almost feels as if there are tears in my eyes because everything that I have worked for, everything that I have done at IPFW will all be coming to an end in 17 days. It is like leaving a past self behind.

Four years ago I started a group and we were small at first

First event for Students for Life - Chalk Walk Spring 2009

But just this January we took the biggest group to Washington D.C.

March for Life - January 2012

It is amazing with everything that has happened, and I know that it is time to let go of what I know and what is comfortable and move on. and I didn't expect it to be so hard.

I didn't expect it to be so hard.

The Final Moments

Have you ever been to a midnight showing of the last film of a trilogy or a series?  Have you ever bought the last book of the series that you have been reading for years?  The lead up to the last scene, the last moment is what we have been waiting for. But, when it gets there, you realize that you didn't think that it would ever come to an end.

That is how this week has been feeling for me, and I have been associating it with when I read the last Harry Potter book and when I saw the last movie.  It was the end of something that had been a part of your life for so long that you never thought that it would come to an end.

This coming Friday is my last day at the job that I have had for almost 4 years, and even though I knew that this day would come, I didn't think that it would come.  I know that sounds stupid, but, when you are somewhere for so long and you know that you are only going to be there as long as you are in college, you sometimes don't connect the two timelines together.

It is an end of an era. I thought that I was ready to say goodbye to the people that I have worked beside for 4 years.  But when I had to start doing that this past Saturday, I felt a ting of sadness. I'm read to move on, don't get me wrong, the unknown frontier is an exciting place to look at.  But it is the people that I am going to miss.  I cherish all of the moments that I have had, but it is time to move on.

God is the writer of my story.  But I can't stay stagnate, I have to keep moving, I just have to listen, to pray for his guidance on where to go to next.  He knows, I just have to let myself go and give it all up to Him.  God is great and I am just his hands and feet on this earth.

Not my will, but His be done.

Trusting in God's way

Do you ever have those times where you have so much to get done, but your mind is on one thing that you have to get it out, so you will be able to consintrate on everything else that you have to get done?

Well that is where I am right now.  Today's topic is trusting in God's way, even when you don't understand and know where he wants you to head.  Life is always crazy but God is always great.

I know that it seems nieve of me, but I always thought that people and companies cared for the people that they are around, and not the almighty bottom line.  But like the NFL things play out, and sometimes what come out of that isn't what you expect.  Sometimes it just feels like a stab in the back that you know will never change.

Now after an emotional rollar coster that I have been on this past weekend, I realize that human can always have the potential of failing you. But God will always be there for you carring you through.  Now I'm not saying that all people have suprised me.  My close friends and family have been helping me too.  But I like to quote Anne Frank: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart" I like keeping that mind set through life, and I know that even if one person fails me, that doesn't mean that the whole human race has failed me.

God knows what he is doing, and I am not going to change the way I feel about my faith, just to keep some things in my life.  I am not going to be Judas and turn for the money.  God is worth more than anything in this world could give me.  I just have to keep telling myself that and I will make it through.  I know that he will carry me through. 

I know

While I have no idea where I am going, and I am walking blind.  God is my blind dog walking me through,  All I need to do is trust in him and hold onto the leash.  He will guide me in my path.

When did my Future start

Life has been crazy.  But I don't think that I could have it any other way.  Recently there have been more and more moments that have made me realize how close my future is.  I know that sounds stupid, but for the past 16+ years I have been in school and in those years I have been asked what I wanted to do when I grew up.

Well now just 63 days away from the moment when I 'grow up'.  This moment is coming, and luckily have have someone to keep me level headed.  :-)  But now is time to get realistic, now is the time to realize that my forever is starting and now it isn't just something that is in a future date.

I graduate in 63 days! only 63 days! while there are many school projects that I have to get done in those days, that isn't what I want to concentrate upon. I love where my life is going.  and I know that God is going to be the co-writer of my life.  I just know that He has a great story planned for me!

Sometimes it isn't about where you are

Sometimes it doesn't matter where you are in life, it is more about where you are going to be going.  If you have no future plans, any road will take you there.

It is better to have an idea of where you are going to be wanting to go, then have no plan of where you want to go.  Having goals, and dreams you have something to reach for.  It isn't always about exactly reaching the dream exactly, but it is more about hitting it close.

Have a goal, have a dream.  Think big.  Don't stifle yourself because you don't think that you can, because you can if you put your time, mind and effort into those dreams

I think that one thing that is good to remember, is that you have to be flexible, because dreams can change, and your life can take you down different roads.  You can't just settle for what your dreams were 5 years ago.  You have to keep on dreaming and keep evolving into the person that you are meant to become.

Remember to dream, remember to plan,  but also be prepared to change those dreams into the new dreams that you might change to.

The Horizon coming closer

The second week of school has started and I have been looking at my class syllabus, looking to see what  this semester is going to entail. Then it hit me. Four pieces of paper is all that stands between me and graduation.

Four calenders, four professors, four room, five textbooks (lucky me one class has two...), four groups, and such.

Those little numbers make it daunting.  Daunting in a good way. It is just so weird to think that four years ago I was just thinking about graduating from High School, and now I am in my senior year at school and looking forward to the future.  How crazy awesome life can be.

Enjoy the moments that you have.  Cherish each second.  Love to the tips of your fingers, and strive to your highers potential. :-)

The beginning of the end

Today starts the beginning of my Christmas break from school, but it is the end of an era a because this is my last Christmas break.  The way that things are going, I am planning on graduating in May.

But sometimes looking to the future is not the point, sometimes you have to take the time to enjoy the moments that you have been given at these present moments.  Now I am not saying that someone shouldn't look forward to the future, because then what else is hope?

I think though that we need to take the time to figure out what we what to do with the life right now that we have been given.  Sometimes we shouldn't just have dreams for the future.  Such as get a good job, or buy a house.  But we should find the things that make us get out of bed every day, we should find those hobbies, and activities that make us happy today, and not just the ones that will prepare us for our own future.

Now I am not saying that is a bad thing to do.  Let me put it into finance terminology. Diversification is when you need to take  an array of stocks to lower the unsystematic risk.  (Sorry just had a final about it today). So I think that you need a combination of having plans for both today and the future.

Hope for the future and live for the day - that is my theme for today :-)

The beginning of the End

In less then a week I will be one semester away from graduating! How exciting yes, but that just means that my future is coming just that much sooner.  But I just think that what I have to do it put my faith in God that he will provide and things will go the way that they are meant to be.

I shouldn't worry about the details of the future and I shouldn't really worry about the time line for it all, because either way I know that it will come what it is meant to come and not just when I think that it will come.

So that it my goal, to not worry about the future and to think about today being a gift

My mind might be going crazy

It has now been over three years since I first started at IPFW for college, but it wasn't really until this year that I realized that I never really thought about the end game.  I never thought about what I wanted to do after college, I always had a stereotypical answer when people would ask me about my future.  There would be two paths that I would take.  I would give the: "I want to graduate and get a job, I just hope that the job market will be better by the time that I graduate." or something on those lines.  The other path that I would take would be: "I want to settle down and raise a family." I never really thought in specifics and that is what scares me a bit.

All my life, that I can remember, I have been going to school, working towards this moment in my life. I just don't think that I ever thought that I would get here.  It just always seemed so out of grasp that I never gave it much thought.  So here I am a Senior in college and I don't know where I am going to be in a year, heck I don't know where I am going to be in 8 months when I graduate.  I know that I want to stay in town, and I know that I want to make a living, and I know that I want to raise a family eventually.  But I never realized that I had gotten so comfortable where I was.

I never realized that I was comfortable going to school and working as a cashier.  I never realized that I thought about the future, but never made it into concrete thoughts.

I never realized.

and that is what frightens me.

I need to stop being comfortable, and start looking more towards the future.  I need to realize that because I don't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life, I need to start looking towards the future and at a career.  Not knowing what lies before me, might scare me, but that shouldn't stop me. I have rode the front seat of Top Thrill Dragster, I wasn't scared then of not knowing what might not come next. But I sat down in that seat, buckled up, and took that leap of faith.  and it turned out to be amazing, and when I was done, I couldn't wipe that grin off my face.

In my life, I need to sit down and buckle up for the unknown. Because before I know it the future will be here, and I need to be ready.

I don't need to be afraid of the unknown.

The Grand Canyon in my life

So I have come to the point in my life journey that I have a Grand Canyon come into my path.  Just so you know, I talk in metaphors, so get used to it in this post.  I never really thought some decision like this would really come into my life.  I know that it is a big dream, but now where I am in life, I wasn't expecting this.  I just finished my Junior year and I am beginning to realize how soon the 'real world' is going to be actually starting for me.  In one year less than 365 days I will have graduated from college and hopefully (fingers crossed) have a job with a salary and everything.  :-)

This is why I realized that every choice that I make today will truly impact my future. Now I know that in the past all of my decisions have gotten me to where I am now.  But somehow I think there is a difference. People said that college was the real world, but it really isn't, it is just getting us partially prepared to live a real life.  Okay now I am ranting, so I'll get back to the point.

The Grad Canyon in my Life, sometimes on our life journey we come upon rives and mountains that we have to make it across to continue on with our life. Up till now I have always been able to make it to the other side without many bruises and scrapes. And I was doing great, so I thought that my life was going well and that I knew all of the curve balls life could throw at me.  Boy was I wrong.  In my life journey I came to the Grand Canyon, but at this point there are no bridges across just the extremely long way to get around.  I am standing on the ledge looking and watching the sun set and I know standing on the edge, at this Grand Canyon, I am happy to just watch the sun set here.

But life wants you to move forward and not stay in one spot for long, because how is that really living? So I have two choices walk along the edge of the canyon and take the long way around, but eventually get there, or believe that I have a parachute and take the leap and hope that it will open and the jump will be thrilling and get me to the other side.  But I find that I am not the biggest risk taker, when there is no guarantee that I won't get hurt.  Because if I do decide to take the leap I can never go back to the path along the ledge...

So now the question is do I walk or do I leap and hope the parachute opens?

Now I just have to listen to my head and my heart to lead me to the right path...