Taking me Back

I have decided that it is due time to start writing again.  Not like my life is really interesting, or that anyone would read this.  But I think that it helps also to provide clarity of mind.  Sometimes I think too much and all of my thoughts get jumbles and this helps a bit.

There has been too much going on since I last wrote, that I am not going to to a catch up piece, because that would almost take up toooo much time.  So we are going to start fresh.

Today at work we had Mass in our small chapel and I was transported back to Spain for World Youth Day almost two years ago.  This was my first big trip without my family, and it was across the ocean and I really didn't have contact with them other than the three times I blogged while on my trip and they had commented on the blog. And even though I was traveling with the Diocese, none of my close friends went, so it wasn't like any normal trip I had taken before.

The church we went to and what it looked on the outside - would you guess it was a church?

To say the least, I felt like I was a bit cut off from everyone. We traveled to Lourdes (which was amazing) and by the time that we got into Madrid a bit of home-sickness come on.  It was one of the first days there and I was having a bit of an off morning, not feeling like talking and interacting.  We had gone to this church in Madrid for English speakers and had a talk and then Mass.

One it was hot, two no air conditioning, and three we were in the loft area.... I was just trying to stay in my own little bubble.

Second level can be seen on the right

I was stuck....

But then came the point in the Mass that we said (one of the points that was changed in the new translation...) "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you but only say the word and i shall be healed." I was taken home and I felt like I was getting a big hug and that even though I was far away from everyone, I wasn't alone and they were right there with me.  I was across the ocean and we were able to hear the same Mass.

Even when we say the new part: "Lord, I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed."  I am taken back to that moment, when I remembered that I wasn't alone then, and I can never really ever be alone.  

There is comfort in that :-)

Looking ahead

I think that all that I have talked about recently is looking towards the future.  But right now I think that is all that I really know for sure: uncertainty.  All I know that I need to trust in God and by doing that, things will fall into place.  Through this entire journey I think that there are times when I could have given up and just gone a different direction, but something keeps on telling me that I need to listen to God's call and I need to trust in Him and have the courage to follow His next plan for me.

Courage

Something that can always be worked on.

I've only been graduated for 11 days and I think I've been asked 10,000,000 times what I plan on doing, or what I would like to do, or if I have a job yet.  I don't mind the questions, but I think that I will love it when I have something concrete to actually tell them.

The truth is that I don't know where I am going to be next week, I don't know where I will be next month.  I don't know what will make me totally happy in the job world, other than knowing that by doing God's will on Earth will make me happy and content.  I know I don't have a job yet and I now know that it is much more then just writing a resume (that is only the first step of many).

There is much that I don't know, but I do know that I am on a journey and I pray that this journey that I am taking is the same path that God has planned for me.  I can only hope to do His will.

The footprints poem comes to mind.  I have the last quot on a little plaque sitting on my desk.

"My Precious, precious child, 
I love you and I would never leave you. 
During your times of trial and suffering, 
when you see only one set of footprints, 
it was then that I carried you."

Trusting in God's way

Do you ever have those times where you have so much to get done, but your mind is on one thing that you have to get it out, so you will be able to consintrate on everything else that you have to get done?

Well that is where I am right now.  Today's topic is trusting in God's way, even when you don't understand and know where he wants you to head.  Life is always crazy but God is always great.

I know that it seems nieve of me, but I always thought that people and companies cared for the people that they are around, and not the almighty bottom line.  But like the NFL things play out, and sometimes what come out of that isn't what you expect.  Sometimes it just feels like a stab in the back that you know will never change.

Now after an emotional rollar coster that I have been on this past weekend, I realize that human can always have the potential of failing you. But God will always be there for you carring you through.  Now I'm not saying that all people have suprised me.  My close friends and family have been helping me too.  But I like to quote Anne Frank: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart" I like keeping that mind set through life, and I know that even if one person fails me, that doesn't mean that the whole human race has failed me.

God knows what he is doing, and I am not going to change the way I feel about my faith, just to keep some things in my life.  I am not going to be Judas and turn for the money.  God is worth more than anything in this world could give me.  I just have to keep telling myself that and I will make it through.  I know that he will carry me through. 

I know

While I have no idea where I am going, and I am walking blind.  God is my blind dog walking me through,  All I need to do is trust in him and hold onto the leash.  He will guide me in my path.

My mind might be going crazy

It has now been over three years since I first started at IPFW for college, but it wasn't really until this year that I realized that I never really thought about the end game.  I never thought about what I wanted to do after college, I always had a stereotypical answer when people would ask me about my future.  There would be two paths that I would take.  I would give the: "I want to graduate and get a job, I just hope that the job market will be better by the time that I graduate." or something on those lines.  The other path that I would take would be: "I want to settle down and raise a family." I never really thought in specifics and that is what scares me a bit.

All my life, that I can remember, I have been going to school, working towards this moment in my life. I just don't think that I ever thought that I would get here.  It just always seemed so out of grasp that I never gave it much thought.  So here I am a Senior in college and I don't know where I am going to be in a year, heck I don't know where I am going to be in 8 months when I graduate.  I know that I want to stay in town, and I know that I want to make a living, and I know that I want to raise a family eventually.  But I never realized that I had gotten so comfortable where I was.

I never realized that I was comfortable going to school and working as a cashier.  I never realized that I thought about the future, but never made it into concrete thoughts.

I never realized.

and that is what frightens me.

I need to stop being comfortable, and start looking more towards the future.  I need to realize that because I don't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life, I need to start looking towards the future and at a career.  Not knowing what lies before me, might scare me, but that shouldn't stop me. I have rode the front seat of Top Thrill Dragster, I wasn't scared then of not knowing what might not come next. But I sat down in that seat, buckled up, and took that leap of faith.  and it turned out to be amazing, and when I was done, I couldn't wipe that grin off my face.

In my life, I need to sit down and buckle up for the unknown. Because before I know it the future will be here, and I need to be ready.

I don't need to be afraid of the unknown.