17 days

How can there be so little time between right now at this moment and the time that I graduate?  I sometime feel like my life is spinning out of control and I can't seem to figure out how to hold onto the wheel.  It has been an up and down roller coaster just this past week, and I don't know when I am going to get off.

At one moment I have having the time of my life, looking forward to graduation and my future (whatever that may be), but then I think the higher the hill, the greater the fall, and the more hurt.  I feel as if my life is so crazy right now with school that I am letting my family down, I don't give enough time to them.  I am at home and awake, but that is usually the time that they are all in bed already.

There are moments that I have a smile on my face because this is what I have been working for, graduating from college. But at other times it almost feels as if there are tears in my eyes because everything that I have worked for, everything that I have done at IPFW will all be coming to an end in 17 days. It is like leaving a past self behind.

Four years ago I started a group and we were small at first

First event for Students for Life - Chalk Walk Spring 2009

But just this January we took the biggest group to Washington D.C.

March for Life - January 2012

It is amazing with everything that has happened, and I know that it is time to let go of what I know and what is comfortable and move on. and I didn't expect it to be so hard.

I didn't expect it to be so hard.

Holy Week

This is the week when so many of us are reminded how blessed, and how loved we really are.  By His wounds we are healed.

Every year for the past seven or eight years of so I have had the same song in my head during this time each year.  It is a song that my 8th grade choir sang during Holy Week.  It is calls "Face the Cross" and it is about how we have to look at the cross and never turn away from it.

In my head, driving in my car, when I am doing homework it is in my head.  It is just one of those things that have stuck with me over the years that I don't think that I will ever be able to get out of my head. Finding this song on line is a  chore in itself. Because I guess it isn't a common song to have.  But I have found it, (Here) for your listening pleasure. It is just so awesome, now it didn't sound this good when my choir sang it, because let's face it, we we 8th graders.

Today is just Wednesday, and the week is only going to get better. Because let's face it, this is the best week in the church! So have a blessed and happy Holy Week :-)

The Final Moments

Have you ever been to a midnight showing of the last film of a trilogy or a series?  Have you ever bought the last book of the series that you have been reading for years?  The lead up to the last scene, the last moment is what we have been waiting for. But, when it gets there, you realize that you didn't think that it would ever come to an end.

That is how this week has been feeling for me, and I have been associating it with when I read the last Harry Potter book and when I saw the last movie.  It was the end of something that had been a part of your life for so long that you never thought that it would come to an end.

This coming Friday is my last day at the job that I have had for almost 4 years, and even though I knew that this day would come, I didn't think that it would come.  I know that sounds stupid, but, when you are somewhere for so long and you know that you are only going to be there as long as you are in college, you sometimes don't connect the two timelines together.

It is an end of an era. I thought that I was ready to say goodbye to the people that I have worked beside for 4 years.  But when I had to start doing that this past Saturday, I felt a ting of sadness. I'm read to move on, don't get me wrong, the unknown frontier is an exciting place to look at.  But it is the people that I am going to miss.  I cherish all of the moments that I have had, but it is time to move on.

God is the writer of my story.  But I can't stay stagnate, I have to keep moving, I just have to listen, to pray for his guidance on where to go to next.  He knows, I just have to let myself go and give it all up to Him.  God is great and I am just his hands and feet on this earth.

Not my will, but His be done.

Trusting in God's way

Do you ever have those times where you have so much to get done, but your mind is on one thing that you have to get it out, so you will be able to consintrate on everything else that you have to get done?

Well that is where I am right now.  Today's topic is trusting in God's way, even when you don't understand and know where he wants you to head.  Life is always crazy but God is always great.

I know that it seems nieve of me, but I always thought that people and companies cared for the people that they are around, and not the almighty bottom line.  But like the NFL things play out, and sometimes what come out of that isn't what you expect.  Sometimes it just feels like a stab in the back that you know will never change.

Now after an emotional rollar coster that I have been on this past weekend, I realize that human can always have the potential of failing you. But God will always be there for you carring you through.  Now I'm not saying that all people have suprised me.  My close friends and family have been helping me too.  But I like to quote Anne Frank: "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart" I like keeping that mind set through life, and I know that even if one person fails me, that doesn't mean that the whole human race has failed me.

God knows what he is doing, and I am not going to change the way I feel about my faith, just to keep some things in my life.  I am not going to be Judas and turn for the money.  God is worth more than anything in this world could give me.  I just have to keep telling myself that and I will make it through.  I know that he will carry me through. 

I know

While I have no idea where I am going, and I am walking blind.  God is my blind dog walking me through,  All I need to do is trust in him and hold onto the leash.  He will guide me in my path.

When did my Future start

Life has been crazy.  But I don't think that I could have it any other way.  Recently there have been more and more moments that have made me realize how close my future is.  I know that sounds stupid, but for the past 16+ years I have been in school and in those years I have been asked what I wanted to do when I grew up.

Well now just 63 days away from the moment when I 'grow up'.  This moment is coming, and luckily have have someone to keep me level headed.  :-)  But now is time to get realistic, now is the time to realize that my forever is starting and now it isn't just something that is in a future date.

I graduate in 63 days! only 63 days! while there are many school projects that I have to get done in those days, that isn't what I want to concentrate upon. I love where my life is going.  and I know that God is going to be the co-writer of my life.  I just know that He has a great story planned for me!

A New Page Turning

I feel like this week is going to be one of those weeks where things are just going to be changing.

I don't know what it really is, because on one hand it is exciting and yet on another it is the unknown.  My next door neighbors are moving to assisted living this week. and that is getting to be one of those inevitable things that I knew would come, but I never totally grasped it.  They have been like second grandparents for me and my sisters while we have grown up.

They would make us cookies, and random cakes.  They would send us birthday cards (when she arthritis wasn't bad she would draw us cards with Disney characters on them).  They had our spare key if we were ever locked out.  and they were always there.  Having them there, it taught me, while growing up, that you don't have to see eye to eye, to find one playing field that you are on an even field.

Over the past few years, they have been both been getting older. Him with diabetes, and her with a stroke that has left he not talking for over a year.  But, while their bodies are beginning to fail them, they are still the same neighbors that have been next door since we moved there before I was born.

My mother last year was helping our neighbor get a birthday gift for her husband.  She did it with my mother so it would be a surprise for him. Over his birthday she ended up being in the hospital again, but yet my mom brought the gift so she would be able to give it  to him.  Here she was a woman who couldn't speak, giving her husband a birthday gift.  My mom expressed the interaction as a strong man in spirit who has never cried much had tears in his eyes as his wife gave him a simple birthday gift.  Something so simple can change everything.

With them moving in the next few days it is making me realize how things will be so drastically different once their house is empty and then when someone else moves in. But I know that they will be better off when there are there.  They will have someone watching over them, and everything will be safer. But things will never be the same.

But that's okay  :-)

because no matter what changes in this world, the sun will rise and set. The coffee will brew in the morning, and the world will keep on spinning.  We are all on a journey our choices that we make in our every day lives will take us forward.  It is up to us (and God) to figure out where that forward will take us.

So Marge and Dave, may God bless you on your next journey and may you never forget your neighbors who will always be here, helping you through. Because you will always be our neighbors. Love always