My mind might be going crazy

It has now been over three years since I first started at IPFW for college, but it wasn't really until this year that I realized that I never really thought about the end game.  I never thought about what I wanted to do after college, I always had a stereotypical answer when people would ask me about my future.  There would be two paths that I would take.  I would give the: "I want to graduate and get a job, I just hope that the job market will be better by the time that I graduate." or something on those lines.  The other path that I would take would be: "I want to settle down and raise a family." I never really thought in specifics and that is what scares me a bit.

All my life, that I can remember, I have been going to school, working towards this moment in my life. I just don't think that I ever thought that I would get here.  It just always seemed so out of grasp that I never gave it much thought.  So here I am a Senior in college and I don't know where I am going to be in a year, heck I don't know where I am going to be in 8 months when I graduate.  I know that I want to stay in town, and I know that I want to make a living, and I know that I want to raise a family eventually.  But I never realized that I had gotten so comfortable where I was.

I never realized that I was comfortable going to school and working as a cashier.  I never realized that I thought about the future, but never made it into concrete thoughts.

I never realized.

and that is what frightens me.

I need to stop being comfortable, and start looking more towards the future.  I need to realize that because I don't want to be a cashier for the rest of my life, I need to start looking towards the future and at a career.  Not knowing what lies before me, might scare me, but that shouldn't stop me. I have rode the front seat of Top Thrill Dragster, I wasn't scared then of not knowing what might not come next. But I sat down in that seat, buckled up, and took that leap of faith.  and it turned out to be amazing, and when I was done, I couldn't wipe that grin off my face.

In my life, I need to sit down and buckle up for the unknown. Because before I know it the future will be here, and I need to be ready.

I don't need to be afraid of the unknown.

Swimming

So another school year has begun, so I thought that I would try to start writing more.

School is going to be crazy this year, but I am surprised how quickly it hit me that I am in my senior year already.  In one year I won't be at IPFW, hopefully I will actually have an actual job... well fingers crossed

But that isn't what I want to reflect upon today.  Something just simple to think about.  When it comes to living your life in faith do you follow to flow of the world and the media, or do you decide to flow upstream?

Be a fish that swims upstream

Wow it has been too long!

Well I have taken the leap (from the last post) and I must say that I think that it was the best decision that I have made in a rather long time! Sometimes you just have to learn how to rely on God's timing and listen to how he might be guiding you.  That is why I am so thankful for my faith, because if I am not totally sure about a decision that I want to make, I give it up to God, and the situation works itself out in the end.

I think that one of the things that we, as humans, forget that we aren't just making decisions for the here and now. We are deciding our future with each choice we make today.  While we make choices that don't matter as greatly (such as what to wear, and what to eat), but some decisions make the greatest impact on our lives (such as who to date, who to befriend, who to make happy, and how hard to work).  We are living not only for ourselves, but for our future selves, our future children, our family, our friends, and most importantly, we are living for God.  We are in this world to glorify God.

I am going to finish this post by telling a story that I heard once at a retreat.  There was a little boy and his father getting a tour of a church.  In this church there are great stain glass windows that have saints depicted in them. The little boy turns to his father and asks, while looking at the stain glass windows: "Daddy, what are those?" The father replies to his son: "Those are the saints."  Latter that same little boy was in Sunday School and the teacher asked the class if they knew what saints were.  The little boy was the only one to raise his hand.  The teacher called on him and he replied: "The saints or what lets the light shine through."

While this little boy didn't know that he wasn't talking about the correct saints, his reply was correct. Saints are those who let the light of Christ shine through them.  That is what we should be aiming for in our own lives. Let our faith shine through our actions so that others will see his glory.

Deciding what path to take

A little over a week ago I was talking about the Grand Canyon in my life and I have happily made a decision in this metaphorical life decision. After praying about it, thinking about it, talking about it, and loss of some (not all) sleep. I have finally taken the jump off the ledge, and I am ready to move on.  While I wasn't on the ledge for a long time it was great while it lasted and I am glad to say that I have jumped.

When I think about this life decision a Wicked  song comes to mind.  It is the song For Good. If you haven't heard it.  Look it up, you don't have to like musicals, but it is just a great song.  In the sang part of it goes:  "I've heard it said, That people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn, And we are led To those who help us most to grow...." That is how I feel about this decision.  No hard feelings, and hopefully no awkward future meetings.  But in the past month I have gone on a roller costar and I have enjoyed the ride, but now it is time to get off and move on.

Tomorrow

We always say that we will say that tomorrow we are going to change.  But if we ever realize it, today is yesterdays tomorrow.  If we want something to change, we have to make those changes today.  Nothing is worth putting off till tomorrow.  We have to live our life today and not wait for tomorrow to come.

Yesterday I went to Mass in the morning and Msgr. talked about how we are all supposed to be trees that product good fruit.  I don't totally remember where the readings were from, but it talked about fruit trees. Somehow that is the only thing that stuck with me.  But what I took from it was even better, or so I think.  We just can't believe that we are good fruit trees, but we actually have to produce good fruit.  It is through trial and temptation that we see how capable we are actually at producing great fruit.  We have to also surround ourselves with other good 'fruit trees' because One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch.

So be a 'Fruit Tree' that produces great fruit!

The Grand Canyon in my life

So I have come to the point in my life journey that I have a Grand Canyon come into my path.  Just so you know, I talk in metaphors, so get used to it in this post.  I never really thought some decision like this would really come into my life.  I know that it is a big dream, but now where I am in life, I wasn't expecting this.  I just finished my Junior year and I am beginning to realize how soon the 'real world' is going to be actually starting for me.  In one year less than 365 days I will have graduated from college and hopefully (fingers crossed) have a job with a salary and everything.  :-)

This is why I realized that every choice that I make today will truly impact my future. Now I know that in the past all of my decisions have gotten me to where I am now.  But somehow I think there is a difference. People said that college was the real world, but it really isn't, it is just getting us partially prepared to live a real life.  Okay now I am ranting, so I'll get back to the point.

The Grad Canyon in my Life, sometimes on our life journey we come upon rives and mountains that we have to make it across to continue on with our life. Up till now I have always been able to make it to the other side without many bruises and scrapes. And I was doing great, so I thought that my life was going well and that I knew all of the curve balls life could throw at me.  Boy was I wrong.  In my life journey I came to the Grand Canyon, but at this point there are no bridges across just the extremely long way to get around.  I am standing on the ledge looking and watching the sun set and I know standing on the edge, at this Grand Canyon, I am happy to just watch the sun set here.

But life wants you to move forward and not stay in one spot for long, because how is that really living? So I have two choices walk along the edge of the canyon and take the long way around, but eventually get there, or believe that I have a parachute and take the leap and hope that it will open and the jump will be thrilling and get me to the other side.  But I find that I am not the biggest risk taker, when there is no guarantee that I won't get hurt.  Because if I do decide to take the leap I can never go back to the path along the ledge...

So now the question is do I walk or do I leap and hope the parachute opens?

Now I just have to listen to my head and my heart to lead me to the right path...